Tuesday, July 18, 2006
Sitting on pins & needles
Have you ever had to do something that made you sorta feel sick inside, but made you feel good at the same time because you knew it wass the right thing to do? I did that this morning. I gave a two page letter to someone detailing the changes that need to be made if I'm going to stay in her and her children's lives. It made me queasy, not knowing how the outcome is going to be, but at the same time, it liberated me because I know that no matter how it turns out, I'm doing what I need to do for my health and my family's health. If I'm stressed, I get sick - even now I'm finding it hard to do anything. I can't do very much without having to sit down. I feel the weakness and lethargy creeping in by the day. I do not want to end up in the hospital again, and I feel sure that those around me who love and appreciate me will not allow it to continue, even if I don't have the guts to break the connection. I love the babies, but is the stress worth having them here? Those of you who can pray, please do. I sit here dreading the outcome this evening, and I'm going to be here by myself. Perhaps I can ask my honey to come home for the brief window that she'll be here to pick up her children this afternoon. Don't want to be here alone to catch the fallout. Why do we sit back and allow people who are toxic to our souls to just wallow in our lives and create so much misery? Maybe some day I'll be strong enough to completely cut it off at the pass.